Dear lovely people,
It has been a while since I have been active on social media or contributing visibly. This year has been a year full of input, healing, growth, personal mastery and changes. A very intense journey for me up to now. I want to give you a short summary to let you participate.
Beside my hypnosis training and certification with the incredible Paul McKenna and team this year with mindvalley, I also joined an inspiring coaching group in the first half of this year guided by Martin Garbers who is an amazing coach and mentor. Together with him I experienced his format of Camino Coachings (both as a participant as well as a guiding coach later) in Munich, Cologne and Tallinn. Martin’s way of coaching and mentoring brought more playfulness into the seriousness of business that most of us are used and conditioned to. I used to overthink, hide behind my own doubts, insecurities and old fears. I learnt that serving from my heart is the way I want to contribute to reconnecting people, both on the individual and also collective level. Overcoming divisiveness within and with others and letting go of identities is a much bigger message than I can state at this point and it will further unfold.
I have learnt throughout the past years on my coaching path that self-reflection is an important step to let go of our autopilot thinking, actions and reactions and be more conscious about decisions, actions and responses. However, by knowing one’s patterns we often still remain in them because the conscious mind is slower than our learnt and conditioned responses, often referred to as the unconscious. I came to the conclusion that knowing is not enough. There are many ways to break the patterns and go over the threshold of limiting ones to reconnect with your inner wisdom and take aligned actions. One of my experiences this year was to jump out of the so called comfort zone (the wording is misleading since it is a very uncomfortable state) and experience that nothing seriously happens if you take completely new and accelerated actions or expose yourself with ideas that get accepted or not. The worst that can happen is that you experience what you most fear (e.g. rejection) which is another invitation to learn to deal with it. I could practice that within our coaching group or jump with Martin into the Camino Coaching format or provide my coaching offers at a higher value with my committed energy. These new experiences can be integrated within our mind and body, it is like learning something new. They have to be repeated, otherwise they get easily lost and we are back to square 1. I have been there, too.
Surrounding myself with people who are moving on, developing and being very supportive with each other is another crucial new experience that helped me evolve. People who have moved further than myself, be it on a spiritual level or with their businesses and personal experiences are a source of inspiration. A sense of belonging without judgment and with mutual support has been a wonderful gift this year.
The other deep experience was my recent hero’s journey designed and led by Brent Bruning (based on Joseph Campbell’s model). I was guided to look into my shadow patterns that are deeply rooted in our body, mind and hearts or better said, they create the walls around our hearts that serve us as a form of protection. These protections are often not useful anymore and detach us from our inner and authentic self. I was a bit overwhelmed when I looked into my shadow patterns, also realizing that my well trained self-reflection has not yet accessed them that clearly and deeply. And, it is the first approach I know of that confronts you with what you don’t want to look at in a very condensed way. Thanks to Brent and his dedication to push our group out of our shadows by facing them, accepting them and moving on into our higher versions of ourselves, it has been a deep and very powerful journey. In-between I did question whether I can continue this journey (although it is just a month long). The hardest part was to accept all of my emotions. Conditioned to suppress some of them and not give them space, smile them away – anyone familiar with shining on the outside while feeling tensed and not aligned on the inside? – I kept committed, experienced my first water fasting for three days, clearing my mind and body and going through some quite challenging times, allowing to feel anger, sadness and fear, and after a while brining so much love to myself, my experiences and everyone connected to my life. Quite liberating. Life will continue to guide me to surrender (like Michael Singer teaches beautifully) to whatever blocked energy will be showing up and challenge me to further grow and reconnect to my source.
Some excellent energy healers and my former coach Bea came with synchronicity onto this path and provided with their guidance support to detach and integrate experiences and related blocked energies (everything is energy in the end). Our mind is often not useful in detaching from stories and emotions. The mind tries to make sense of emotions and any sensory input, often in a very simplified way. This is because…and there we are already back in a story. I like to remember Lisa Feldman Barret’s research and summary on our brain in both of her books: “Your brain is not for thinking”. It sounds much easier than it is to surrender, listen and learn. And so I got into accepting, accepting and accepting, surrendering, surrendering, surrendering. And being more gentle with myself when I do not manage to accept and surrender. Being conscious about it and moving on with love to the next opportunity is the way to go.
To top that personal growth journey Thomas I got married this summer. We have been together for almost 15 years. He is a wonderful loving partner, supporter, best friend and now husband, going with me through my journeys and also participating in new insights and valuable changes for himself. He is being a great source of easiness when things get complicated (when the mind makes it complicated).
photos ©Darya Ivanova
To summarize my journey this year: It has been quite a journey of challenges, joy and unplanned events. I met so many incredible people, supporting me on my path. We cannot manage to grow on our own. I am grateful for the mindvalley community where I connected with most of them from around the world. And, without the support of Thomas and my family (they see, feel, probably also wonder, don’t ask too many questions, support and recognize) I would not be here and I owe them a big thanks from my heart 💖.
This has been my journey in short until now. We still have two months to go.
I am excited and I am ready to move you into your next level.
Sending you much love,
Marijana