Self-worth and self-confidence are related, and I use the two terms synonymously in the following article.
Do you feel that your self-worth is at a 10 out of 10 on a scale from 1 to 10? Or do you feel there is still a gap to be bridged to reach a 10? What does it mean to be at a 10? Some could argue that it might not be healthy to have such a high self-worth, they could see it as selfish or showing off with what you do or own to land at a 10. But that is not what it is about when we talk about feeling worthy at a 10 out of 10.
Thinking about myself, in certain situations I believed I was far from a 10, perhaps at a 6 or 7 or even lower depending on the context. In other situations the score was significantly higher. Some people may feel they are at a 10 when it comes to their acquired expertise. They feel confident with their knowledge and in other situations they only feel at a 4 or lower. It’s interesting how our perception changes depending on the situation and context. I don’t know anyone who has not struggled with their self-worth or whose value depends on what they do, own, achieve… Our thoughts and resulting feelings dance around our self-worth and confidence levels.
When I began to reflect on the subject of self-worth, I realized that our self-worth cannot change at all. We are valuable. Period. Every minute, every second. Our ideas about ourselves and others, our fears of being judged, and other learned concepts, beliefs, our cultural conditioning separate us from this one truth of being valuable simply because we are. Ultimately, we do not lack self-worth, but rather an awareness of the concepts and ideas we unconsciously hold onto and evaluate to measure our own worth.
Let me give you an example: When my book was published in 2018, it was not only an exciting new experience, I also experienced a lack of confidence. You would probably expect the opposite. When the cover was visible online a week before publication, I felt like I had to hide somewhere far away to escape the new and unknown visibility. I was afraid of possible criticism, I felt there was much more to say about the subject than what I had written. I felt it might be seen as incomplete. I felt like I was losing control. I could no longer decide who to give my manuscript to to read. My confidence was clouded in those moments by doubting thoughts and fears about myself and the world around me. I had to grow beyond this lack of self-confidence, which was triggered by an old energy of fear. The above experience was very valuable for my personal development and more calmness.
We can only grow when something strikes us in our heart, when we feel the fear, when we hold back, when we struggle. These times are precious and an invitation to dive deeper.
Later, I sincerely apologized to my book and to myself for not appreciating all the effort and love I had put into writing it and the impact it has since had and continues to have on many readers. The latter was my main intention – to make a difference for others. When we fear others, when we hide behind concepts of scarcity, we focus on our egoic self and easily forget that we are here to contribute no matter what we do. It’s not about us.
I could give many more examples where I felt my self-worth was low and others where I felt it was high. Not a single example is really true. My thoughts only nurtured the underlying beliefs that I had not questioned. My process continues, I’m not done yet. The big difference from the past is that I have reached a different level of consciousness and am facing my blocked energies as they becomes visible.
We do not lack self-worth, we “only” lack a conscious reflection of our fears and constructed old images and conceptual ideas that we can release. We must be willing to look at them and accept them in order to let them go and to make space for something new to get in. What we lose is an identity based on scarcity. We compensate for this lack in a variety of ways: We feel superior or inferior, slip into exhausting rescuer roles without being asked, want to change others instead of ourselves. We work too hard, or run after recognition for what we do. We want to be seen by others because we do not see ourselves. Who are we if we do not lack self-worth and self-confidence?
If you feel it’s time to feel valuable, truly valuable, let’s have a conversation and peel away the layers that have formed your lack of self-worth. At your own pace, with joy, openness and a willingness to feel, we can discover and heal your self-worth. You are valuable. Simply because…You are.